“To be, or not to be…”

“To be, or not to be?”

We all know the question. It’s a timeless conundrum; the answer, obviously… to be.

It’s hard sometimes, just being a thing that exists, having a sense of self. We have to deal with our own our own failings, our hypocrisies, our mistakes. There is no vaccine for self awareness.

There is a lot in my past that I was ashamed of; a lot of stuff that I had pushed down and locked away in the back of my mind. For a long time I wasn’t being honest with myself. If I’m not honest with myself, how can I be honest with others?

We hide parts of ourselves, the things that embarrass us, or make us feel shame, the dark parts of ourselves, and the parts we don’t want others to see. When we do this we lose ourselves; when we lose ourselves we lose hope, and desire and joy. We lose our dreams and become trapped in apathy.

When faced with adversity we retreat into mindless escapism; if we can’t change the real world we’ll save a virtual one, or watch someone else do it, or read about someone else doing it.

And we’ll rip art and people apart based on meaningless criteria. We’ll call music we don’t like “manufactured” we criticise things for being “trite”, complain that the things we don’t like are “cliché” and “shallow.” But tropes exist for a reason, and nothing can be truly original.

Too often do we make value judgements about people based on irrelevant criteria; the music they like, the books they read, the clothes they wear. None of us can win when we’re faced with so much judgement, especially when those judgements aren’t expressed constructively. Instead we fear to be ourselves, we fear to talk about the things that moves us in case we get ridiculed for loving something that doesn’t appeal to our loved ones.

One thing I keep remembering; the past isn’t real, my memories are just a story my mind has concocted; a narrative of my experiences and perception. Most of the time that lines up with the perception of other people; sometimes it does not.

That’s OK.

It’s more than OK. It’s a fundamental truth about humanity, that we interpret the world differently. Shouldn’t that be a good thing?

So what if part of me believes that the internet is sentient? Or that we’re being spied on? Or that I’ve broken into a collective of people who are using the internet to slowly and stealthily spread a message of love and hope?

It doesn’t matter if you don’t believe me. My question is; am I any more delusional than people who believe in religion? Does it make me dangerous? Is the fact that I have rejected the idea of objective truth a bad thing? Why can’t I have faith in the unknowable?

Diversity; of experience, of thought, of tastes, of belief, of genetics. We thrive when we embrace diversity. If we accept that our own perspective may be flawed, that sometimes the way we see the world is different to the way others see it, and those different perspectives have as much value as our own, only then can we work together, to learn, to try to find answers to our questions.

The question I am asking now… “Accident or intention?”

I may never find the answers… but I sure as hell am going to have fun trying!

Curiosity won’t kill this cat.



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